I wanted to pen down my memories of living in New Jersey with Lekha, while Leo was still working in IN. I am sure that in time these memories might fade away and I wanted to record them while they were still fresh in my mind.
When I first came to NJ I was excited and nervous and scared and really overwhelmed by the tremendous amount of responsibilities on my shoulder. A new job after staying at home for a year, felt like getting a job for the very first time. But I had to do it for my own sanity as well as for the financial security of our family. Lekha was an absolute trooper. She has adjusted well to all the inconveniences that came out of being in this limbo situation where I could neither give her all the comforts of home nor be able to take comfort in the confident knowledge that this was just a temporary situation. She adjusted beautifully to the new day care center and made new friends and has been a happy child. Her first teacher here was Ms. Marylynn and then she joined the bigger kids in Ms. Christine’s class. She also was taken care of by Ms. Subha and Ms. Shilpa. She would tell me the names of her buddies in class: “Julia(Chewia), Ananya(Anayya), Connor, Tyler(Tyer)
The down side was that Lekha was missing her dad so much I could see it in her eyes. It was not an open display of tears and tantrums, rather a quiet resignation and dejected acceptance that broke my heart. She has also been a very spirited and feisty one and often, I regret to think back now, I have lost my temper and resorted to harsh disciplining and even in some worst cases giving her a sharp tap on her hand or feet. When she bursts out into tears at that, I have often felt like the worst mom in history and I just spend so much time that night kissing her and apologizing to her when she sleeps.
But I do feel that I have evolved as a much better and very patient mom and a stronger woman. I feel that this experience has given me some invaluable lessons in life. I am so proud of what I have been able to go through and I feel like the joy we look forward to now with me getting a job in IN and us being able to be together as a family, would not have been as sweet if it hadn’t been preceded by such trying times. Moreover, I cannot forget that this new job opportunity in Indiana would not have even been offered to me had I not been working at the time.
I missed my husband so much. I had my precious Lekha to hold on to, but he on the other hand was all alone by himself. It pained me to think how much he hated going back every time he visited us. There have been times when we were on the phone and Lekha would say something cute like “I love you!” at which he would just tear up and choke and would hang up ‘cause he can’t go on.
I cannot miss to mention about the inception of Sleek Fashions. Priya and I were bouncing off ideas just for the heck of it. (Who doesn’t want to be their own boss, especially after my experience in NJ) And one thing led to another and before we knew it, here we are on the verge of launching our very own business. The website is 99% ready and the shipment is (hopefully) on the way.
The last six months have certainly been a very eventful period in my life. But Lekha and I can’t wait to get back to the most awesome man in the world.
Life - what else.
Ok. I am going to try this once again. In my 30 years of life, if I have learned one thing about myslef (among many things) that I am not proud of, it’s the fact that I always have trouble sticking to something. I am full of energy and zest when I begin something new, but once the novelty wears off, my excitement fizzles and I search for the next new thing, the next big challenge, the next fun adventure which I will obsess over until it joins the rest of my past unfinished ventures. I do not want blogging to be one of them. Because, although I know that I’ve lost my initial enthusiasm for it, I do know that its cathartic effects are right up there, only second to singing. Plus it gives me the cool opportunity to use cool words like “cathartic”=)
Ok since I’ve decided to blog again, I do have to have a subject matter, so to speak, for the day. As usual it would have to be some droning on about stuff going on in my mind. Did I mention blogging is supposed to be cathartic? Well I am in New Jersey right now. I am finding myself in a familiar situation: Staying apart from Leo, getting overwhelmed by the overload of responsibilities, worrying about the possibility of a decline in my health. But wait, there’s more. This time I have Lekha! A whole person, just depending on me completely and absolutely. Now if that doesn’t put a girl in a tizzy, I don’t know what would. I try to put up a brave face but I am terrified inside. I keep imagining what would happen if I were to be disabled or unconscious or God forbid DIE! Lekha would be running around crying in the house, for hours before anyone suspected anything was wrong. I even think, I should put some cookies and stuff at her reach. (Problem with that is currently have to hide all the goodies from her, lest she gives me trouble at dinner time). Well, now that I’ve gotten that out of my head, lets move on to less scary stuff.
My work. Trial balances, chart fields, general ledger – who am I kidding- I’ve always steered clear from numbers. The main reason computers fascinated me was the fact that it seemed like a giant calculator to me in the beginning (consequence of “Addition of two numbers” being the first ever program I learned) . I liked the computers would mean I didn't have to deal with numbers anymore. Now here I am, looking at a bunch of numbers and trying to figure out why the GL won’t balance. The good part is I am kind of comfortable with the coding side of it at least. PeopleSoft is becoming less and less of an enigma to me each day. Oh by the way we just pulled off a patch upgrade last weekend and so far so good. The 12 hr work days and Leo’s whirlwind weekend trip to take care of Lekha while I was away trying to save the world….er…ok save the PeopleSoft upgrade at the client I worked for, did not go in vain.
Life is always a struggle. Or is it? Am I always trying to make lemonade with the lemons life gives me, or am I so obsessed with the lemonade, that I turn a blind eye to the fruit bounty I am offered. I wish I could have been happy with my life as a mom and stay at home wife to the best baby in the world and the sweetest guy on earth. I just had to go and make things difficult for everybody by insisting on getting back to work. Now am I happy? Well, I kind of am. I love that I am doing what I do best. I love that I am doing justice to Lekha. I know she is happy at her daycare and the little time I spend with her in the evenings is quality time. I just wish I didn’t have to sacrifice being with my husband and putting him through the anguish of missing us both. In anycase, it's a choice I made and I'm not regretting it. Just wishing things could for once be easier.
Well I think my one hr is up. I’ll be up from my couch now – boy blogging sure beats paying a therapist. Good to be back after my long hiatus. I’ll be back soon with more of my nonsense.
Ok since I’ve decided to blog again, I do have to have a subject matter, so to speak, for the day. As usual it would have to be some droning on about stuff going on in my mind. Did I mention blogging is supposed to be cathartic? Well I am in New Jersey right now. I am finding myself in a familiar situation: Staying apart from Leo, getting overwhelmed by the overload of responsibilities, worrying about the possibility of a decline in my health. But wait, there’s more. This time I have Lekha! A whole person, just depending on me completely and absolutely. Now if that doesn’t put a girl in a tizzy, I don’t know what would. I try to put up a brave face but I am terrified inside. I keep imagining what would happen if I were to be disabled or unconscious or God forbid DIE! Lekha would be running around crying in the house, for hours before anyone suspected anything was wrong. I even think, I should put some cookies and stuff at her reach. (Problem with that is currently have to hide all the goodies from her, lest she gives me trouble at dinner time). Well, now that I’ve gotten that out of my head, lets move on to less scary stuff.
My work. Trial balances, chart fields, general ledger – who am I kidding- I’ve always steered clear from numbers. The main reason computers fascinated me was the fact that it seemed like a giant calculator to me in the beginning (consequence of “Addition of two numbers” being the first ever program I learned) . I liked the computers would mean I didn't have to deal with numbers anymore. Now here I am, looking at a bunch of numbers and trying to figure out why the GL won’t balance. The good part is I am kind of comfortable with the coding side of it at least. PeopleSoft is becoming less and less of an enigma to me each day. Oh by the way we just pulled off a patch upgrade last weekend and so far so good. The 12 hr work days and Leo’s whirlwind weekend trip to take care of Lekha while I was away trying to save the world….er…ok save the PeopleSoft upgrade at the client I worked for, did not go in vain.
Life is always a struggle. Or is it? Am I always trying to make lemonade with the lemons life gives me, or am I so obsessed with the lemonade, that I turn a blind eye to the fruit bounty I am offered. I wish I could have been happy with my life as a mom and stay at home wife to the best baby in the world and the sweetest guy on earth. I just had to go and make things difficult for everybody by insisting on getting back to work. Now am I happy? Well, I kind of am. I love that I am doing what I do best. I love that I am doing justice to Lekha. I know she is happy at her daycare and the little time I spend with her in the evenings is quality time. I just wish I didn’t have to sacrifice being with my husband and putting him through the anguish of missing us both. In anycase, it's a choice I made and I'm not regretting it. Just wishing things could for once be easier.
Well I think my one hr is up. I’ll be up from my couch now – boy blogging sure beats paying a therapist. Good to be back after my long hiatus. I’ll be back soon with more of my nonsense.
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