This post is about another grandpa. Not mine, but my daughters'. My mom and dad leave tomorrow. Has it been 5 months already? Nobody should have to go through these kind of good byes. The kind when you are not sure when you will meet again.
Last night I had a long chat with my dad (appa) about a lot of things. Death, the Universe, God, Genetics, Natural Selection and Evolution to name a few. He narrated an incident to me about someone telling him about someone else "They both were talking to each other like a grandfather with his grandchild" ("பேரக்குழந்தை கிட்ட பேசுற மாதிரி" ) He said to me, that at the time, he let it roll off almost like it was a clichéd metaphor. But now, he understood what his friend was trying to convey. Because now, he truly knew what it is to be a grandpa. He went on to say that the emotion and love he feels when Lekha runs to him demanding his attention with a loud "thaaathaaa" is not like anything he had ever felt before. It is not like what he felt when he picked me or my sister up when we were babies. Although the love of a father toward his daughter is profound he says, it is distincly different from this unconditional affection and love that pours forth and moves you. He said that it took him by surprize and he did not expect it to be this way. He hadn't felt this when we visited India when Lekha was an infant. Sure he loved her then, but now it's a whole other level. Shortly after that we concluded the conversation and I left the room to have dinner. Because his voice was choked and his eyes were tearing up. I told him we'd skype often and made a stronger resolution within my self to move back to India as soon as possible. It is at times like this I feel like a complainer. I have everything and yet I am frustrated by the way my life has shaped up. I don't want to see the look on my daughter's face when she searched the guest rooms and finds them empty. I know her, she is not one to throw a tantrum, she resigns herself to the absence of loved ones. But I would see her loss in her eyes. I don't want to take away the peace and love my parents enjoyed these last 5 months either. But I have no choice for now do I?
Appa said I'd find out that feeling when Lekha has a kid of her own. Well there's a looooong time for that. But when it does happen, I'll come back and re-read this post and thank my appa again for already having given my daughter what I got from my grandpa. Grandpas rock !